Why Babies Throw Tantrums
 Category | Communication |
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⏱️ Reading time: 4 minutes
Medically reviewed by pediatrician and perinatal psychologist Polina Kizino
Tantrums aren't misbehavior — they're part of growing up. Your child is learning to express emotions but still struggles to manage them. Your calm presence, support, and routines can help you both through this stage with confidence.
What’s Inside
Quick takeaways
Tantrums are normal and temporary.
Around 12–18 months, a child starts realizing their will but doesn’t know how to control it.
Immature brain, fatigue, and lack of words affect behavior.
It’s important for parents to stay close, remain calm, and help the child process feelings.
Why tantrums happen
Emotions develop faster than self-control
Around age one, babies go through a key stage of emotional development. They can already feel frustration, hurt, or anger but cannot yet regulate these feelings.
A tantrum is an emotional explosion the child can’t manage alone. The brain (especially the prefrontal cortex) is not mature enough to "cool down" emotions. The child doesn’t understand what’s happening and needs adult support to navigate these feelings.
The child begins to see themselves as separate
A one-year-old starts sensing boundaries between themselves and adults. They want to do things “by myself,” which may show up as defiance:
- refuses to sit in the chair
- insists on their own way of putting on socks
- rejects food if offered at the “wrong” time
They’re learning control over their body and choices—and testing the rules.
The child can’t express desires in words
Frustration often comes from a language gap: the child wants to say something important but can’t.
Tears, screams, or falling to the floor aren’t manipulation—they’re stress responses to not being understood.
Risk factors: hunger, tiredness, overstimulation
Tantrums often flare up for a reason:
- missed nap or meal
- too loud, too bright, too many people
- unexpected changes in routine
The baby can’t yet adapt smoothly to changing conditions.
How to respond: support, not punishment
- Stay close. Physical presence and a calm adult are the best remedy. Even if the child pushes you away, stay nearby.
- Name the feelings. Say things like, “You’re upset because you wanted to do it yourself.” It helps the child feel understood and learn to recognize emotions.
- Remove dangerous items and offer a hug (if allowed). During intense tantrums, the child loses touch with reality. Protect them from injury, don’t yell or reason—just let the emotion pass.
Care for your mental state
Tantrums can overwhelm even the most patient parent. If emotions rise, take a break to reset:
- Do 7–8 deep nose breaths and mouth exhales
- Count slowly to 10 or 20
- Name objects around you—red, round, etc.
- Do 10–15 squats or jumps
- Scream into a pillow
Remember: even if someone around you gives judgmental looks, makes negative comments, or gets upset — try not to take it personally. Everyone has their own ideas about parenting norms and methods. Focus on yourself and your baby, not on others’ opinions.
How to help in the long run
- Keep a consistent daily rhythm—predictability helps children.
- Offer choices: “Green cup or blue?” Use “limited choices” that work for you either way.
- To meet your baby's whims while saving your sanity, offer “limited choices”: options that work equally well for you.
- Let your baby do some things independently, even if it’s slow or clumsy. Plan more time for the process so you don’t get stressed if it takes longer.
- Allow independence where possible, even if it’s slower or messy. Plan extra time so you don’t stress.
- But don’t blame yourself if you’re not always in the right headspace — that’s okay. In those moments, calm yourself first, and only then help your baby.
- Model calm—kids learn by watching you. If you’re exhausted, pause and calm yourself first.
- Support rituals: repetition gives a sense of safety.
- Grow vocabulary through books, games, and songs.
With care
Our articles are based on evidence-based medicine and reviewed by pediatricians. However, they do not replace a consultation with your doctor. Every child is unique — if you have any concerns, please consult a medical professional.
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Sources
- POTEGAL, MICHAEL Ph.D., L.P.; DAVIDSON, RICHARD J. Ph.D.. Temper Tantrums in Young Children: 1. Behavioral Composition. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics 24(3):p 140-147, June 2003. https://journals.lww.com/jrnldbp/abstract/2003/06000/temper_tantrums_in_young_children__1__behavioral.2.aspx. Accessed 7 May 2025.
- Thompson RA. Emotion regulation: a theme in search of definition. Monogr Soc Res Child Dev. 1994;59(2-3):25-52. PMID: 7984164. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7984164/. Accessed 7 May 2025.
- Fox, N. A., & Calkins, S. D. (2003). The development of self-control of emotion: Intrinsic and extrinsic influences. Motivation and Emotion, 27(1), 7–26. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1023622324898. Accessed 7 May 2025.
- Sroufe, L. A. (1996). Emotional development: The organization of emotional life in the early years. Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/CBO9780511527661. Accessed 7 May 2025.
- Gopnik, A. (2009). The Philosophical Baby: What Children’s Minds Tell Us About Truth, Love, and the Meaning of Life. Picador. ISBN-10: 0312429843.